Interviewing Myself

Because no one else will, dammit!!

I’m interviewing myself because no one else has volunteered, and if we’re going to continue this relationship, aka me showing up in your inbox once or twice a week, it feels only fair that you actually get to know me.

Let’s rock this bitch.

1. What’s your favorite restaurant?
   The Boiling Pot in Rockport, Texas.

2. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
   When people use too many big words, or when women who are older than you are mean to you because you’re younger than them. Grow up.

3. What’s your biggest fear?
   Finding a scorpion in my bed, and insanity.

4. What is something you hate?

   The feeling of cold air blowing directly onto me.

5. If you had a dog, what would you name it?

   Jessica.

6. What kind of person do you become when no one is watching?

   A witch.

7. When do you feel sexiest?

   When I’m standing in the airport body scan machine: arms up, chest out, ass activated. Let’s gooooo.

8. What can’t you live without?
   Jane Lily, Little Girl (my doll) and my collection of sleep shirts.

This is Little Girl.

9. What object in your home feels the most “alive” to you?

   Are you stupid? All of them!

10. What’s something you would love to do one day?
    Star in a play that is beloved and revered by many. Oh, and to be an incredible mother!

11. What’s your dream job?
    Someone who tends to plants all day (mostly a dream, since I’ve never kept a houseplant alive). OR starring on Below Deck. Also, being an optometrist seems like a good, simple life. OnlyFans star (kidding…)!

12. Hell on earth?

    Easy! The Cancun airport.

13. What’s your favorite book?
    On Photography by Susan Sontag.

14. Who are your favorite artists?
    Roe Ethridge, Domenico Gnoli and Ruth van Beek.

Roe Ethridge

Domenico Gnoli

Ruth van Beek

15. What’s your favorite painting of all time?
    Dance (I) by Henri Matisse.

16. What’s your biggest regret?
    That my mom won’t give me her Rolex (she wears an Apple Watch).

17. Who is someone you miss?
    My guinea pig, Jack, whom I got in first grade and who later died in 11th grade (you do the math). My dog Wilson. And my late grandmother(s)… I wish I could smell them one last time.

My dog Wilson.

18. Who is your favorite musical artist?

    Julia Jacklin.

19. What’s a good song to booty pop to?

    Knuck If You Buck by Crime Mob (feat. Lil Scrappy).

20. What’s a good song to cry to?

    Butterfly by Crazy Town.

21. If your plane is going down, what song are you putting on?

    You’re Beautiful by James Blunt.

22. What do you think your younger self would be relieved to know?

    That kissing girls is ok and most importantly, hella fun.

23. What’s something people wouldn’t know about you?
    I love drinking out of Styrofoam cups.

24. What would your death row meal be?
    Empanadillas de chapín, surullitos y ensalada de pulpo con una Medalla (light) congelada.

25. What does your perfect day look like?
    It’s 2012. I wake up on Jeffrey Epstein’s yacht. I murder everyone (excluding the victims). Later that evening, I have dinner with my best girlfriends to celebrate.

26. What do you always notice first in a space?
    Whether you keep dust.

27. What’s something you’re currently unlearning?
    That everyone is thinking about you all of the time.

28. What hill will you die on?
    That I don’t want to necessarily die on a hill.

29. What do you think makes something feel “special”?
    When it’s untethered from trends.

30. Who taught you how to notice things the way you do?

    Boredom and my college professor, Joseph Vitone.

31. Who would headline your music festival?

    Friday: No Doubt (pre Gwen going ‘publican). Saturday: Dave Matthews Band. Sunday: Dolly Parton.

32. What’s your favorite color?

    Canary Yellow.

33. What’s your favorite animal?

    Manatees! They are the cows of the ocean.

34. Who would you like to be for a day?

    Easy! Tate McRae.

35. Who is your best friend?

    Please stop asking me such dumb questions. Obviously, it’s Ysenia Valdez.

36. Can you name a few people who you feel have dark energy?

    Oh, thank you so much for asking! Mel Robbins, Ellen DeGeneres (duh), Jeff Koons, Larry Gagosian, Tyra Banks, that one guy who wants to live forever… I could keep going!

37. As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

    A ballerina-astronaut-marine biologist, of course!

38. If you got to work and had 10,000 unread emails, what would you do?

    Throw up.

39. What do you think about when you’re alone in a car?

    “I wonder if anyone can see me picking my nose.”

40. Are you a gatherer or a hunter?

    I’m an inovator.

Thanks for coming! Hope you learned something about me you didn’t know before.